I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
