Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
