Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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