i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
