We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
