Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
