I didn't shave. On purpose
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
