I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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