$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
