You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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