So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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