During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
