You work out of a Hotel?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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