That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
