also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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