new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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