New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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