I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
