My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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