Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
