Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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