One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
