Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
