last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
