if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
