You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
