Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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