Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
