i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
