Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
