I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
