thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
