I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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