I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
