he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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