i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
