do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
