Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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