Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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