it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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