I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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