I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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