We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You left your phone here
Wait...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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