I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
