i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
