so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
