i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
