i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come share oat with me in your robe
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
