ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
