Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
