I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
