Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
