smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
