so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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