Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
