My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
