Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
